Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Poetry attempt

The only people I have known
Who've ever lived or died
Have built themselves a giant wall
Behind which they would hide.

They decorate this giant wall
So other folks can see
The kind of person that they would
Pretend that they can be.

The harshest man that I have known
Hides behind his wall
But once behind it, you can find
The softest heart of all.

I have another friend who's always
Bragging left and right.
Although she says she thinks she's great,
She's not in her own sight.

People like to act to be
Who others want to see.
By acting long enough,
Can you become who you try to be?


Okay, so the rhythm is off in places... and the idea is a little lame. But I'm a beginner. And I only spent like ten minutes on this. I'm more of a writer than a poet anyway--I just felt like taking a stab at it. At least it's not free verse. ;)

...I'm actually pretty good at free verse, which amuses me, because frankly, I hate free verse.

Next time I get the urge to try writing poetry, I'll try writing a funny poem with a story behind it. That would be much more fun, and also more my style.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Writing and dancing

I should really start writing again. Not like babbling about daily stuff, but really writing-writing. I was thinking about asking Kortnie if I could write a weekly book review for the paper next year in addition to doing the editing. For one thing, I could make a little money, for another, I'd have an excuse to have my nose stuck in a book all the time, and for a third thing, I really miss writing.

I was looking over the old Board of Omniscience, which I used to write for, and I have to admit, that was the best kind of writing ever. I had a persona (or two) that I could play with, and if people didn't like the persona, I could tweak it or just retire it and make a new one.

In other news, I'm disappointed in Girl Scout cookies. The price jumped up from three dollars a box to four, and unless I'm mistaken, the cookies themselves seem to have gotten a lot smaller and less delectable. Except the Thin Mints. Those are still good. But not four dollars' worth of good.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, here is a guy dancing. Since you all love dances so much. For some reason, I can totally see my dad doing this.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Movie review: The Phantom of the Opera (2004)

Yesterday, I watched the Phantom of the Opera with Amy and now I can't get the songs out of my head. It was a little OOC for me to put off finishing my history assignment to watch any movie, but particularly this one. I wasn't terribly impressed with it last time I watched it (four years ago) either. But then, Amy watches a movie by herself almost every week, and I know it's boring watching movies alone, so I thought I'd go ahead and be social for once. (Normally, I don't watch movies with her because she mostly watches chick flicks and Jane Austen type of things where people talk in bad British accents about things that nobody cares about but that mark the end of the world for the ditzy characters as well as, apparently, 95% of the girls who watch those kind of movies.)

...What was I saying? Oh yes, Phantom of the Opera. The only character I particularly liked was Christine's little blond friend (Meg?). Well, no, actually, the older lady with the Russian accent was cool too. And the two weird guys who ran the theater were so annoying you couldn't help but like them. But the characters you're SUPPOSED to like (Christine, Raoul, and the Phantom) were pretty terrible.

The Phantom's voice was too harsh for his part. He's an okay singer, but the Phantom's voice is supposed to be fantastic: smooth and enchanting and even seductive. Even the orchestra backing him up didn't help him sound right because his voice didn't blend with the accompaniment but grated against it. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't terrible. He just wasn't right for his part.

On the other hand, at least the Phantom could act, unlike Raoul, who was a better singer than the Phantom but who couldn't act to save his life. In fact, he was another character who, like Christine, spent most of the movie staring off into space while he stood around looking pretty. His "heroic acts," which failed miserably every time, looked more like he was just doing them as a chore. I saw no actual emotion in him: no determination or passion or, well, anything. The most expressive his face ever got was during the scene at the end where the Phantom and Christine are apparently having vocal sex on stage (seriously, it looked like they were about to finish their song and strip off their clothes and go at it like rabbits right there in front of everyone) and the camera flashes to Raoul and one corner of his mouth is curled up a little in disgust and he just stares. It was hilarious, but entirely unconvincing.

While she's undoubtedly a fantastic singer, Christine spent half the movie standing around looking pretty, and the other half looking like she was about to have an orgasm. Her character had no personality, and the actress seemed capable of portraying only the one emotion, making Christine seem not only shallow, but frankly, a little horny.

Having said that, I suppose I should also say that I just plain did not understand (and never have) what happened at the end. The Phantom has Raoul at his mercy and is threatening to kill him... so Christine KISSES him? And then the Phantom LETS THEM GO and starts crying and disappears forever? Why? I guess an English major would say something to the effect of "because he's not really a bad guy, he's just lonely and he realized Christine was meant for Raoul" or some bunch of garbage like that, but frankly, if that answer was accurate, I denounce all classic works forever because--no offense--that's kind of stupid.

Some of the symbolism was cool, I have to admit. The part where Raoul jumps bareback on a white horse to ride after Christine, or where there's a swordfight in a graveyard between Raoul in his white shirt and the Phantom in his black. Classic. Then there was the monkey, and the roses with the black ribbon tied around them. They really did do a fantastic job playing up the roses.

The scenery was fairly cool, too. I especially liked the dripping, cobwebby tunnels behind the mirror. The secondary characters were well-played (more so than the main ones), the orchestra was amazing, and the cinematography was fantastic. Overall, though, if I watch Phantom again, I'll probably try to find a different version.

This post has been brought to you by the word footle.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Friends are strange things

I'm really enjoying this German skit we're preparing for class. We're only allowed to have two to three people in each group, so of course, I nabbed Quinby. We spent about half of our time "writing" the skit going off on tangents to talk about everything from books to machetes. I think he got a little too much enjoyment out of the part where he stabs me to death with a "sword" (we're not allowed to bring weapons to class, so we're using a two-foot-long wooden stick I acquired at the Resort last year). I'm hoping we can get it down well enough to have time to repeat the skit three times faster and again three times faster still, because it's much funnier that way.

Oh yeah, Quinby also loaned me two Winnie the Pooh books... in German! I'm almost finished with "Der Piratenschatz." It's really fun reading kids books in foreign languages. And he loaned me the Black Cauldron series by Lloyd Alexander, which I've been wanting to read, but I only have two of the books and the library doesn't have the others.

In Hist of Eng Lang today, I was reading an excerpt from Chaucer out loud and the teacher complimented my pronunciation and said, "You've been practicing, haven't you?" :D Yay. I sort of wanted to say that I hadn't and it's a natural talent, but the truth is, I've been practicing a LOT.

I'm starting to work out housing arrangements for next school year. With luck, I can have it all worked out within a few weeks, preferably in a way that will cost me less than $600 a month for a room. I know a person who needs a roommate in a dry cabin off-campus (which would mean I could probably get that dog I've been wanting forever), but it's like seven miles out, which is kind of a long way. On the other hand, less than $300 a month for rent, plus I'd have a cool roommate. But on the other hand, no running water. But on the other hand...


Hmmm what else? Oh yeah. My green dye faded enough that it was starting to look bad, so I decided to dye my hair purple. But when I went to the store today, they were out, so I had to settle with greenish-blue. But after I bleached my hair, I thought the light blond looked cool enough to warrant leaving it like this for a few days before dying it.

I finally got around to giving Casey my ring size so he can make me a ring. I'm pretty excited about it, but at the same time a little bit sad, because apparently I'm not allowed in the lab where he's going to make it. :( Oh well. You win some, you lose some, and I still think I won this one. My friends are awesome! :D

I spent a long time talking with my friend Michael in Utah today. It's really nice having old friends who actually keep in touch. It's weird which ones do, too. Michael and I worked custodial together, and we had a lot of fun doing it, but we never really hung out outside of class or anything. Now we talk pretty frequently, and I'm starting to regret the fact that I never got to date him before I left Utah. Katy, Tom, and Rusty and I, on the other hand, were more or less inseparable right up until Rusty left for his mission and I moved to Alaska. Since then, I got a phone call when their (Katy and Tom's) first son was born, only found out about their second child being born because of Facebook, and I call them up on holidays, but they can never talk long. I got two letters from Rusty while he was on his mission, and had a brief conversation with him over IM when he got back, and that's all. Friends are strange things.

It's been really warm lately. I confess, I didn't even let my car warm up for ten minutes before I drove it today, and after I got back, I didn't plug it in. In fact, yesterday, I think it was above freezing! Won't be too long before I start complaining about how hot it is! ...Actually, my room gets pretty hot no matter what the temperature outside. The sun shines right in my window all day, and my room heats up like a furnace. In the afternoons, when I want to use the computer, I have to hang a bedsheet over the windows (we have no curtains) or the glare on my computer screen is so bad I can't see it.

Hmmm... that's all for now, I guess. I should either finish my history homework or get some sleep. Toodles! This post has been brought to you by the word subsequently.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


Work was interesting Sunday. I got to write the article about the hockey game, despite the fact that I've never seen a game of hockey in my life. In fact, the only sports games I've ever seen were football, and that was ONLY because I was in the marching band. I spent less than 5% of the games actually watching, and the rest of it either spacing out, talking to my friends, or playing my mellophone. Oh, I also caught the last five minutes of a BYU basketball game once, I think. But yeah. I don't know anything about hockey except that it's like soccer on ice with sticks and a puck. Sentences like "Senior defenseman Steve Vanoosten threw the puck from the right point and to the back boards. The carom came out to an onrushing Knelsen, who one-timed the puck high at the left edge of the crease before Janzen fell forward to cover it" make exactly zero sense to me. But I think I did okay anyway.

Despite the fact that I was up till two, I woke up at 7:45 this morning, almost an hour before my alarm went off. Of course, I immediately started mentally berating myself for sleeping through my alarm AGAIN, leaped out of bed, and had my backpack halfway packed before I checked the time and noticed it wasn't even time to wake up yet. I guess the fact that the sun was high in the sky is what threw me off. Seriously, the sun? Where did that thing come from? Someone make it go away. It burns off the nice cloud cover and makes it cold, and it shines in the snow and gets in my eyes no matter which direction I'm facing. Whine.

Oh well.

This evening, for some reason, I randomly got the urge to eat tater tots. You get really weird looks when you walk into a grocery store at eleven at night and buy nothing but a bag of frozen tater tots. So I bought jalapeno poppers too. Because they were on sale, and I like jalapenos. And Safeway doesn't make my jalapeno cheese rolls anymore, those flaming scum-eaters. In fact, they don't make my favorite kind of donut anymore, either. There's almost no point in even going there anymore. Seriously. Lame.

So yeah. I was going to say something else. What was it? Well, for one thing, I'm not lesbian. I just thought I'd announce that. Because I'm totally not. But that wasn't what I was going to say. Dangit.

HA! I was talking to this guy I know today, and I think he was high or drunk or drugged or something, and I totally had him convinced I was actually a teenage boy! He FLIPPED! "OH MY GOSH, stay away from me, you disgusting homosexual transvestite!!!" It was AWESOME! I cracked up! I had him going for a good ten minutes before I finally felt bad for him and told him I was kidding. I didn't prove it, though. If he still even remembers the conversation when he comes off being high, he can just wonder.

But that wasn't what I was going to say either. Grrrrr.

Oh well. You can just wonder.

This post has been brought to you by the word teknonymy.

Friday, March 20, 2009

I'm no minor

Good news! Apparently, some of my ELang classes transferred as English electives, and looking at how it transferred and some minor requirements, I just might be only about three classes away from an English minor. I may be able to get out of here in two more semesters after all! :D Yay!

Of course, this means I have to actually study literature like Beowulf and Shakespeare and stuff. Ew. But better than having to take journalism classes and write about politics. Even bigger EW!

I was talking with Jessa at lunch today and found out she's a musician. In fact, she's the second-best flute player in the state. So we swapped stories about blasphemers tearing up musical instruments. If she has time, I think it would be sweet to get some music and play a duet with her... but she's taking 30 credits and working two jobs, so I don't think it'll happen. Seriously, that's just sick! I'm impressed that she can do that, because I don't think I could. Not for very long, anyway. I had trouble with 19 credits and one job a few years ago.

Why do teachers assign midterms right after spring break? Seriously, that's just satanic. Every one of my classes had the midterm right after break. That totally ruins break, because you spend the whole time stressing about the test! Well, my break wasn't exactly thrilling anyway, but... oh, that reminds me! Apparently, it's possible to volunteer to help with the Iditarod race during spring break! There was a reporter for the newspaper who spent her break working with sick and injured dogs at a rest stop along the trail. I'm soooo jealous! I seriously need to find out how to volunteer for that because I really want to do it next year.

For my HEL class, I need to memorize the first 42 lines of the Canterbury Tales by next Thursday. Well, I only NEED to memorize 18, but we get extra credit for 42, and I'm all about extra credit. But it's weird, because it's all Old English. It was nice rhythm and meter, though, and actually, looking over the lines was what made me think about getting the English minor, because I was surprised to discover that I enjoyed reading it (although I wouldn't enjoy psychoanalyzing it).

Finding myself with a few spare minutes, I started rereading the first book in the Dragonlance series, too. I used to really enjoy those books, but this time, it seems a little cheesy and predictable. Weird. Guess I should try reading a book I haven't read before, like one of the eleventy billion on my To-Read List.

I was talking with my friend Michael today, and he brought up the personality quiz that classifies you as like ISFJ or ENTP or ESFP or whatever. The first time I took it, when I was about 12, I was an INTP. When I was about 18, I took it again and had become an ENTP. Today, I took it again and apparently have become an ISTP (Crafter).


I'm only writing this because I can't sleep. I'm tired, but I'm too restless to lie down. I hate it when that happens. They say you should only try to sleep for twenty minutes or so, and if you can't, then you should get up and do something else. Guess I'll finish up this something else and go try sleeping again.

This post has been brought to you by the word asseverate.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

A few more pics...

So I decided to dye it again because the color was patchy and didn't take quite right in some places. The photos were awesome! I looked like either a Chia pet or some kind of deranged leprechaun!

I should spike it like that every day! :D

Of course, that was with the dye in, and it wasn't that bright after washing it out.

Well... it was still bright. Just not as bright as it was with the dye in.

Seriously, the barber-lady did a fantastic job covering up the bald spot.

This last picture cracks me up... I look like I'm about to kill someone.

Green hair for the win! Woots! :D

Oh, and Mom and Dad, you know how you're constantly asking for recent pictures of me? Now you should have plenty. ;)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Happy St Patrick's Day!!!

I love St Patrick's Day! It's my favorite holiday. :D I don't know why, really--it's not one people really do much to celebrate for. When my siblings and I were little, Mom told us leprechauns came to the house and kissed things, and wherever they kissed, there were shamrocks there. Then on St Patrick's Day, there were shamrocks stickers all over the house. We used to have fun running around and finding them on our alarm clocks and on the dryer and under the table and on the trashcan.... My favorite was when they kissed my stuff, because it made me feel like the leprechauns liked me. My sister and I sometimes would hunt for leprechauns, too, because if you catch them, you get a pot of gold and a wish.

Besides that, I just love the whole theme of St Patrick's Day. Shamrocks and leprechauns and pots of gold and rainbows and Celtic stuff with an overall green theme.

I toyed with the idea of trying a guiness (sp?) this year, but frankly, I don't like alcohol much. When I was in Utah, I played a ton of pranks on Katy and Tom--snuck into their house and left mint patties all over and dyed their toilet green and put green Kool-Aid in their showerhead. This year, I don't really have anyone to play pranks on (my roommates would definitely not appreciate it), so I decided to try something else for St Patrick's Day: I decided to dye my hair green. And while I was at it, I decided to cut it off too, because I seriously hate having it all in my face.

Originally, I was going to just get temporary hair dye. Not the spray-on stuff, because it's messy and looks just plain awful, but stuff that takes a week to wash out. But unfortunately, the only way that green dye would hold at all would be if I were to bleach my hair first.

I was really nervous about bleaching my hair because I seriously don't want to be blond. I had to leave the stuff in for a total of about an hour. It smelled terrible.

Actually, though, the blond hair looked pretty cool. I was almost tempted to leave it that way. It didn't bleach quite right, so it was almost white at the top, and then it turned orange and dark red in the back (you can't really see it in this picture). It looked like my head was on fire! It was awesome!

But it was St. Patrick's Day, and the whole point was to go green, so green it went. The color didn't turn out to be quite as dark a green as I had anticipated, but it looked pretty cool anyway.

Then I decided to get it cut, and to save some money, I thought I'd ask my friends if any of them were any good at cutting hair. All of them said, "No way Jose, I don't want to be responsible for ruining your hair!" Until I called Mandy, a really sweet girl from church who is, frankly, a little slow. I was kind of nervous about trusting her with the scissors, but well, she said she could do it.

Three snips into cutting my bangs an inch shorter than I'd asked, she added, "By the way, I've never done this before." *facepalm* She kept going, and after six or seven comments of "Oops, hang on, let me make this side shorter to see if I can level it out," she finally gave up and asked me to find someone else to do it. So I was left with a green mullet that had been cut literally right down to my scalp on top. It looked awful.

So I went home and begged one of my roommates to at least cut off some of the long stuff on the back so it didn't look like I had a mullet anymore. Amanda said she would "just as soon as the TV show ended." Two hours later, I wrote her off and convinced Amy to do it, only because I was going to the barber the next day to get it fixed and I assured her that there was nothing she could do to make it worse than it already was.

She did a very good job fixing it, considering. It was really frustrating, though, because I CAN cut hair, so I was looking at it in the mirror knowing exactly how to cut it and not being able to do it myself.

It was really funny, though, when we were sweeping up the hair afterward. Turns out my hair is the same color as the broom. (They are in real life--they shone differently when the camera flashed, though.)

So this morning, I wore a hat to class, and as soon as I was done for the day, I went to the barber to see if she could do anything at all to fix my poor green hair. I was fully expecting to have to settle with either looking stupid for a few months or just buzzing it all off. Fortunately, the lady who works in the campus barbershop is really fantastic! I gave her hardly any instructions, just told her what happened and asked her to fix it or finish the cut or just do whatever she could with it, and she went happily to work and did some kind of magic! She went ahead and buzzed it short enough to spike while leaving it long enough to look good and still be noticeably green. When she finished and I put my glasses back on to look in the mirror, I was stoked! This is the hairstyle that I've wanted since I was fourteen and never had anyone successfully do because they always want to leave it too long!

Yay, you can even see my pointy ears! :D

So overall, I'm pretty happy with it. The green's fading much faster than I had hoped, but that's okay, because the roots got colored and bleached a little patchy. Once it fades (I'm expecting the green to last only about a week), I think I'll have to bleach it again before using a different brand of coloring to dye it. Hmmm, should I go darker green, same green, lighter green, or blue?

This post has been brought to you by the word verdigris.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Stupid sun

How can it be so darn cold outside and so darn hot inside? Last night it was only like -20 outside, but the wind was blowing really hard. Since I wasn't dressed for the weather (I hadn't been anticipated it being quite so cold when I walked to work), I tried to walk quickly to get home before I froze. But I walked too quickly, breathed too hard, and I think I frostnipped my lungs a bit. Woooooow that hurt!

Today wasn't much better. It was about zero when I checked the weather this morning, so I put on my heavy coat, but I was running late leaving and decided to run off without gloves because I figured I'd be fine as long as I kept my hands in my pockets. And I was. But I checked my mail while I was on campus and I had a package that was too big to put in my backpack and my poor little hands froze purple. :(

But the sun was out. So I opened my blinds and sat in the sun to do my homework and it got too warm and I nodded off, of course, and when I woke up, it felt like it was 85 in my room! Sheesh! My window is now wiiiiide open and it's STILL burning up in here.

Sooo I wonder if the reason I've been so easily frustrated lately is due to lack of chocolate. I got a bag of M&Ms last time I was at Wal-Mart, and when I put the first one in my mouth, I just about spazzed out. When I thought about it, I realized I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had chocolate.

Of course, now it's so hot that the M&Ms, which are sitting on my desk but out of the direct sunlight, are basically melted. The candy coating is still hard, but when I bite into it, the inside is gooey.

Dang it! I hate the sun! What do I have to do to get away from it???

:D On a positive note, I had fun in German class today with Sacha and Quinby. I really missed my friends over spring break. We didn't play a game or do fun projects like we usually do, but still, there were actually people to talk to! Yay! And then after class, I walked home with Quinby, which meant I got to talk to people even longer! It's amazing how he knows like everyone on campus--he said hi to like twenty people in the ten-minute walk home. I used to be like that at BYU, but that's different because a) they all went to my church, and b) I was a senior, and he's only a sophomore.

I meant to clean my room all break but never got around to it. I finally did today. At last. Now that break is over. Ha. Now I'm not sure if it's the clean room that's making it easier to concentrate or, well, the fact that break is over. I'm still not all caught up, but it's easier to concentrate. Now if I can just get around to doing my laundry....

We're doing a juggling show this weekend. I'm super excited! Well, okay, I'm super nervous. But I'm also excited! I don't think it's going to be a formal show so much as just showing up and juggling in a corner so people can watch when they get bored. Which reminds me: Chris, the photo editor, gave me the pictures the photographer took of the juggling club.

Towards the beginning of the year, with particularly bad articles and some people who rubbed me the wrong way and very frustrating typos getting left in the paper when it was published, I seriously thought about quitting my job. Now, I'm really glad I didn't, because I actually enjoy work, and I would call all the main editors (Molly, Chris, Adam, and Kortnie) my friends. I've started introducing myself to the reporters and photographers before and after the staff meetings on Sundays too, partly to get an idea of the people and personalities behind the articles I edit, and also just... well, just because. I would really like to write the girl who writes the articles that take me the longest to edit, not so I can tell her she's a horrible writer, but because despite the fact that her articles are very time-consuming to edit, I've found a happy, care-free style in her writing. She always has something positive to say, and overall, she seems like she would be a very nice person.

Where was I going with this? Hmmm. Oh yeah! So work was fun yesterday, despite the fact that Chris didn't get in until I was on my way out. In fact, Kortnie left to go to the hockey game, so for a while, it was just Molly and me. At one point, she went to the break room to get more tea, and as she left, I called, "Have fun! Don't get lost!" She promised not to... and a few minutes later, I heard the sound of frantic knocking and Molly calling my name. Turns out she locked herself in the break room. It was AWESOME! When I opened the door, she gave me a sheepish look and said, "Well... at least I didn't get lost..."

She's cute. And she's only 19, so I'm actually not the youngest person on the staff! Actually, my boss is only a year older than I am. That's so weird!

And NOW I'm procrastinating my homework, so I guess I'll get back to that. This post has been brought to you by the word ornithorhynchus.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Ugh... can't... concentrate!

I have ostensibly been doing history homework for nine hours now. In reality, I've gotten about twenty minutes' worth of work done. Why? No idea. I stare blankly at the book for five minutes or so, and then get distracted. Then I remember, "Oh yeah, homework." I go back to it, stare blankly at the book for a few minutes, then get distracted again until I remember, "Oh yeah. Homework." I stare blankly at the book for a few minutes, get distracted again, and go, "Oh fine, I'll get this done and then really seriously crack down on my homework." I finish it, go back to my homework, stare blankly at the book for a few minutes... and then get distracted. Lather, rinse, repeat. The homework itself isn't really that hard (when I can actually crack down and get it done, the entire lesson only takes about an hour or two), it's just that I can't concentrate on it! Whoever it was that told me that if I find myself reading a paragraph over and over, I should just skip it and go on is a fool, just like the person who told me that if you can't concentrate, you should do something else for a while and try again.

I've tried caffeine, which sometimes helps. I've tried sugar, which sometimes helps. I've tried turning music on. I've tried turning music off. I've tried sitting in a different room. I've tried opening the window. I've tried bribing myself. I've uninstalled video games that distract me. I've even tried wearing a different hat! I have no earthly idea what to try next.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Baron

I had a pretty cool dream that I should have written down because if I ever do write a story someday, it would have been an awesome scene in it. Several awesome scenes, actually. But now I've mostly forgotten it. Let's see what I can remember.

A group of us were marched into a manor. We were common people and had been outside enjoying the sunshine. They had captured us and marched us in, and we came quietly, acting as if it were our idea to begin with and the guards were merely our escorts. The lord of the manor--I don't know who he was, really, but he dressed fancy and walked and talked in a manner that showed he was obviously important--came to talk to us. I don't remember anything he said, except I remember he took a special interest in a girl with long curly dark blond hair standing in the back of our group of five. She was older than me by a few years--she looked to be about fourteen or so, and I think I was only eleven or twelve. He asked her name, and she gave it: Elanivia or something long and weird like that. I remember he pulled out a riding crop and used it to force her chin up so he could see her face. He made a comment--I don't remember what it was. I remember being very tense, afraid for her, but he didn't hurt her.

After that, I don't know what happened to everyone else. There was a short time skip and I was standing looking into a mostly empty bowl of fruit. The bowl was enormous, and a few inches of it was filled with water. I was eying a star fruit on the bottom, but not daring to touch it. The Baron, or whoever he was, told me to go ahead and take it. I picked it up. There was a slight resistance as I pulled it out of the water, like the suction when you pull a cup out of a sink upside-down or something. It turned out that the star fruit was just an empty skin, and when I looked at it, the Baron reached over and squeezed it so a puff of air blasted into my face. He said something about always looking deeper into everything, because things weren't always how they looked at first.

After that, I'm not sure if I was a slave or a student. I was given a certain amount of freedom, but I don't think I was free to leave. I could tell the baron was cruel sometimes--not often to me, though. I don't know if I would have called him evil or not. There was a certain amount of harshness about him; I don't think anyone would have called him a caring person. I knew he was very politically active, but I didn't know what about, and I didn't care.

There was another time skip, and I remember running into the kitchen after an errand for the baron. The baron was sitting at the table, and across from him sat Rob, who I recognized as a former teacher of mine. I couldn't meet his eyes, because I knew I had disappointed him, I think by allowing myself to be the student (or was it slave?) of the baron. I don't know why that disappointed him, but I could sense his sorrow, his disappointment, even when I averted my gaze. I wasn't there too terribly long. The baron gave me another assignment and I withdrew quickly, relieved. I wanted so badly to go to Rob and explain, but there was nothing to say. Whatever I was doing wrong was exactly what it looked like.

There was another time skip, and I was sitting on a bench by a lake talking to a friend of mine. He was slightly shorter than me, and skinny, dressed in a loose white shirt and plain dark gray pants. I think he had been in the group that had originally been brought to the manor with me. I rarely saw him because he worked in the basement, doing who-knows-what for the baron. I asked him what was the meaning of death. He paused for a moment to think. Then he stood up and skipped a stone across the water, shading his eyes from the sun to watch it. I watched his back, outlined against the sun, which was just above the horizon, thinking about setting. I heard him take a breath to answer my question, and I knew that whatever he was going to say, it was going to be really deep and insightful. Then I woke up.

Dang it!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Change the World

When I was younger, I used to have big dreams about changing the world. Now I've realized that pretty much the only way to do that would be to either be a terrorist or to spend a lot of time studying politics and petitioning and leading strikes and stupid junk like that, and even after I do all that, I'll just be another name in a textbook for people to memorize. People who did the REAL important stuff in the world never get remembered. I mean, who discovered fire? Who designed the wheel? Who invented chocolate chip cookies, or realized that peanut butter and jelly taste really good together on a sandwich? No one remembers those people, but everyone remembers Adolf Hitler, Henry the Eighth, George Washington, FDR.... It's not that people can't measure up to those guys, it's just those were the lucky, charismatic, politically active guys. Well, George Washington's a special case because from what I've read, he was a kick-butt general in the army. But I'm not cool enough to be in the army. In fact, I've only shot guns once in my whole life, because shooting is a BOY thing to do. Stupid girl scouts (YW activities). We didn't get to shoot guns or tie knots or learn plumbing and whittling and carpentry and fishing. We were too busy writing lists of qualities we were going to look for in our future husbands and sewing white silk onto hangers so we could hang our wedding dresses on them. Uggggh. We didn't even get to cut out the silk or anything. We just stitched one seam and then stuffed it with cotton and glued on an already-tied ribbon. And that was supposed to take an hour and a half. I hate crafts. So much.

...Where was I heading with this? Oh yeah. So I've decided there's not really much I can do to change the world. Not if I want to enjoy life, anyway. Oh, the other crappy thing about changing the world today is that if I did, I'd spend the rest of the life with paparazzi on my back. Chris says paparazzi dig up as much dirt as they can because people put their pop culture icons on pedestals and worship them almost like gods, and because of human nature, people love to see gods fall. "Just look at Greek and Roman mythology," he said.

So I think I'll settle with just being an ordinary person. I'll try to make as many people laugh as I can as often as I can. Because the world could always use more laughter.

This post has been brought to you by one of the Queen's favorite words, cachinnate.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Why do men...

So... I got bored... and started playing around with Google. You know how when you start typing, AutoComplete tries to offer suggestions to finish your query for you? Well...

I especially like the first one and the last one.

Bored already???

Spring Break is this week, so no classes. It's only Monday, and I'm already bored silly. I tried calling up a few friends, but nobody answered. Punks. Amanda's in Italy, and Amy the Grad Student was, of course, busy working. She's nice, though, and put up with my hyperactivity for a bit, until I felt bad for distracting her and holed myself up in my room again.

I have some homework I should do, and I ought to clean my room and maybe even do laundry while so many people are out of town... but for some reason, I really don't feel like being productive. I'll drop whatever I'm doing to say, "Okay, I'm going to go be productive now," and then stand up and stare at a wall for a bit, thinking, "I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it" until I come up with something else to do.

Yeah.... Wow....

That reminds me. I also really need to call Jewel and make sure she's still going to let me come back and work for her this summer. With my luck, she filled my position and I'll have to find yet another job to turn me down without ever calling me to let me know they won't hire me. Grrr.

Oh well. Guess I'll go back to juggling for a while until I can get up the determination to read my stupid history textbook.

This post has been brought to you by the word moiety.

Saturday, March 7, 2009


I have my music set to play on random and now I wonder why the heck I have all this Johnny Cash music, because I've decided I definitely don't like Johnny Cash. Well, I mean, I have nothing against him as a person, but his isn't the kind of music I particularly enjoy listening to. Oh well, files removed, it's all good.

It's snowed a lot here lately. While I love snow, it's made the trek to school all the more laborious. Well, at least it's been warm lately.

My hair is now at that annoying length where it's too short to put in a decent ponytail, but long enough to get on my neck and be annoying. Rawr! I can spend fifteen bucks on a haircut or just let it grow, and for now, I'm letting it grow. I confess I miss my ponytail a little bit.

So now it's spring break, and I don't have classes all next week! Yay! :D Good time to catch up on the homework I've been falling behind with. Sigh.

I've brought the unicycle to juggling practice every day since I got the tire pumped up, but for some reason, nobody seems to want to ride it for long. It's probably a result of watching me crash off it repeatedly. I usually roll the way I learned how in karate, but sometimes my falls aren't so graceful and I just kind of plop. So I have a lot of pretty bruises, but unfortunately, the nicest ones are on my bum where nobody can see them.

The Wood Center is going to be closing at 5:30 all next week, since it's break, so Casey told me to call him up if I get bored and feel like juggling with him. I told Quinby I'd call him too, and as we walked home, I offered to let him borrow a set of balls he could practice with. So he followed me home to get the balls, and when he saw my piano and my collection of fantasy books, he stayed for almost two hours. It's so much fun finding similar interests with your friends. :D I showed him my favorite book (Elantris, Brandon Sanderson), and he's the first person ever who opened the book at my suggestion, read the first sentence, and then looked at me with wide eyes and begged permission to borrow it.

I'm really glad for this break... I kind of need it, I think. I've been getting really discouraged with school. It seems like life in general is doing everything it can to make sure I don't succeed. First they put off my graduation a minimum of two semesters... and then on top of that, every internship I've ever applied for leaves me hanging, not knowing whether they'll accept me or not. I don't even know what I'm for sure planning on doing with this degree. It's very frustrating.


If you can be happy despite what life does to make you miserable, then you win.

I tried a new cooking experiment: spinach and kielbasa with cream. (The kielbasa was on a really nice sale.) Wish I'd had some cheese to put in it, but I didn't. It was all right. Next time, I won't bother with the kielbasa. I've decided I'm not a huge fan of it. Weird how your tastebuds change--I used to love kielbasa and hate mushrooms, and now it's the other way around. Next time, I think I'll try just frying mushrooms and spinach. I think I'll start leaving garlic out when I make spinach, too, because I think I'm beginning to lose my taste for it as well. Ooooh, maybe I should fry up salmon with the spinach and mushrooms. And add cream afterwards, maybe? Snap, that sounds pretty good!

You know what else would be really good? A roast beef sandwich from Arby's. With Arby's sauce, of course. I've been wanting one for ages, but the nearest Arby's is in Wasilla, which is FOREVER away! Woe. I mean, seriously, they taste like cardboard, and if you get one with cheese, it's like a cross between melted plastic and bile, but for some reason, I love them.

Oh well. You can't have everything, I suppose. Someday, I hope I live within two or three hours of Anchorage, but not close enough to the city itself to get the light pollution. Well, now that I know where I want to live, all I have to do is find a job there, and I'm set, right? Oh yeah, and a place to live that will allow pets, because I'm seriously going to get a dog. And cats. I think one dog and two cats sounds about good.

Aaaand that's all for now. This post has been brought to you by the word nothosonomia, which I'm not going to define for you. :P

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Cathryn the Adequate

I hate it when I lose my temper and I don't even know why I'm losing it. Seriously, the logical side of me, which is buried underneath the whiny side of me, knows perfectly well that not only am I being stupid, but I'm making a total jerk out of myself. And then I finally get away from the person I'm being a jerk to and I feel like crap for being a jerk, but my pride makes it very difficult to go back and apologize, especially when I know it won't change anything.

Pride sucks. Life would be so much easier without it, but I can't completely get rid of it. Right now, it's sorely bruised over the fact that I'm not really good at anything. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, there are always people that are so much better than me that they just sit back and mock the way I do it. Or at least, it sure seems that way. If I ever had a title like Catherine the Great, I think it would be Cathryn the Adequate. Or Cathryn the Sufficient. Cathryn the Decent, Who Will Do in a Pinch I Suppose If There's Nobody Better Around. Cathryn Who Likes to Think She's Good Sometimes Isn't That So Cute.

I really wanted to get a lot of homework done today, but now I'm not in the mood, and when I'm not in the mood to do my homework, I usually just end up staring blankly at the page. I guess I'll go back to practicing my adequate juggling for a while.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Fun and Frustration, but not in that order

Last night, I was really tired, so I went to bed at eleven, which is pretty early for me. I had a bunch of stuff to get done today, so I set my alarm for 8:30, figuring nine and a half hours of sleep would be more than enough. Well, 8:30 came around and I was still tired, so I set the alarm for 9:30. An hour later, the alarm went off, I hit snooze three times, then reset it for 10:30. At 10:30, I hardly even opened my eyes before turning the alarm off altogether. I woke up at one in the afternoon. :( Boo, what a waste of a day! You can say I needed the sleep all you want, but 14 hours seems a little extensive no matter how tired you are!

So, slightly disgruntled at myself for having slept so long, I got up to do the stuff I needed to get done, the first of which was filling out the FAFSA. I've never bothered applying for one before. I started to, one year, but it asked me for a bunch of information about my parents' income, which was silly since they don't pay for my college at all, and when I called and asked them for the information, they didn't have it on hand, so I just didn't bother. But this year, I decided to try and fill it out for reals.

Now, on my tax forms, I'm claiming myself independent from my parents. I've lived away from them for over four years now, paid for my own food, housing, tuition, books, car, and so on. I'm pretty well independent from them. But on the FAFSA, it didn't ask whether I was a dependent, or how I was claiming myself on my tax documents. Instead, it asked if I was over 22. Then it asked if I was going for a Master's degree. Then it asked if my parents were deceased before I was 13, or if I had been declared by a court to be an emancipated minor or an "unaccompanied homeless youth." I had to answer no, of course, so the form decided that I was a dependent and that I had to supply information about their income. Grrrrr! I am NOT a dependent!

So I called Dad and spent ages on the phone with him trying to get information from THIS year's tax form, which he hasn't done yet and which is completely irrelevant since he doesn't pay for my school. The fact that my phone decided to be stupid and lose the call every five minutes made the whole process even more annoying, coupled with the fact that Dad kept saying, "You must have filled something out wrong because this shouldn't be relevant," despite the fact that I KNOW it shouldn't be relevant, but I had double, triple, quadruple, and quintuple checked it.

After eleventy billion years, I finally got Dad's information filled in, then hung up and filled in my information, which didn't take nearly as long because I've already done my taxes, I just haven't sent them in yet. Finally finished everything, tried to send it, and guess what! It wouldn't let me submit the form without my mommy or daddy's PIN (which is the government's form of an internet signature). Bah! WHY? They have nothing to DO with how I pay for school! So I called up Mom to see if she knew her PIN off the top of her head, and she said, "I have no idea what a PIN is, but I do know that your sister applied for FAFSA and got turned down because her parents make too much money."

.....WHAT!!?!?!?! Not FAIR!!! They SERIOUSLY need a question on there asking how much you pay for your OWN schooling and how much your parents pay, and if you're paying more than 90%, they should forget the whole stupid "We need your parents' information" crap, but NOOOOO, they just ASSUME that EVERYBODY is spoiled enough that their mommies and daddies pay for their schooling because that's what happened to every stupid politician in the stupid government! Rant rant rant I HATE the government!

So yeah. I was really mad. Then I called my sister and she confirmed what Mom had said, but Dad gave me his PIN anyway and I went ahead and sent in the application. Maybe there's like a 0.1% chance that they'll take pity on me when they see the very small number of dollars I currently have in my bank account... but I'm not counting on it. More likely, they'll say, "Yeah, well, you supplied this number wrong, so we're throwing you in jail and also fining you $20,000 which we know you don't have, but we're sadistic jerks, so we're doing it anyway."


So then I tried to fill out my dividend application, which I finished filling out, but I don't have the required documentation I need to mail in with it on hand, so I can't get that out for a little while. But I was still annoyed, so I decided to take a break from government stuff and log onto Facebook for a while. And this is where my day turned up.

My friend Quinby had written a message on my wall saying he would be home all day if I wanted to come over and borrow his bike pump. Now, to back up a bit, Quinby is a guy who was in my German class last semester, and is in my German class again this semester. From the first time I saw him, I got the feeling that he was the kind of guy who's really really awesome to hang out with once you can get him out of his Shy Shell. He's really tall and skinny, has a really long, perfectly straight black ponytail that I'm enormously jealous of (like probably every other girl he's ever met), and always wears an orange jacket thingy. I've been trying to convince him to come to juggling practice since September or October, and was finally successful this last Friday. It was a lot of fun teaching him, partly because every time he started to lose control of his balls, he would make this funny high-pitched squeaky noise. Anyway, I mentioned that I would start bringing the unicycle if I could get the flat tire pumped up and he agreed to let me use his bike pump. Hence the Facebook message today. Okay, fast-forward again.

So, needing a break from my annoying form-filling-out endeavors, I headed over to Quinby's apartment, which is actually just a few rooms down, since we live in the same apartment complex. Borrowed his bike pump, but then I wasn't sure exactly how full the tire should be. So when I brought back the pump, I went ahead and brought the unicycle too, and my first words when he opened the door were, "Okay, I probably should have just brought the unicycle over in the first place..." So he stepped outside (it was warm today--23 ABOVE zero) and we talked about unicycling for a bit, and then martial arts, and then video games, and then his roommate came out and said, "Hey, I have a better idea. How about you both come inside where it's warm and have hot cocoa?" Wait, what? Cocoa? Chocolate? I'm there!

So I spent all afternoon hanging out with boys! :D I love their apartment. It's so crammed with random stuff you can hardly move anywhere, and there's a big mess covering every surface. Also, there's tape all over the ceiling left over from their Halloween decorations. Overall, the apartment has over ten times the personality that ours does. Ours is kept pretty clean, and we have next to nothing in our living room. No drumsets or old computers running archaic video games that everyone takes turns playing or huge Wall-E eyes sitting above the refrigerator. Quinby, Robert, Adrian and Chris act more like brothers than acquaintances the way my roommates and I do (partly because Amanda can't understand sarcasm even when I explain to her that I'm being sarcastic). They mock each other left and right and play games and squish each other behind doors. I'm jealous. Also, I'm tempted to find excuses to hang out with them more. And I was totally right: Quinby's really cool when you can get him to... heh, let his hair down. (That's funny, you see, because he has such long hair, and it's always in a ponytail. Except when it's not.)

Oh! So in the video game Quinby and his roommates were playing, I noticed Quinby's character was named High Priest C'Thun. Zoh my gosh, WoW reference!!! His roommate Adrian (or maybe Robert... I keep getting the two confused) also plays WoW, so we talked about Ahn'Qhiraj a bit. Adrian (or Robert) started out on Horde, then converted to Alliance, except he became a druid. Bah, fail! (Druids are cool, except they're op and they ninja my phat rogue lewtz.)

So yeah. I had a lot of fun. Also, the unicycle is now ridable. Ohhh, AND Quinby said he'd come back to juggling practice! :D I hope he keeps coming, because he's fun! We should be friends.

This post has been brought to you by the word galliardise.