Idea
Having never had an alcoholic beverage before, I felt it necessary to conduct a scientific experiment to see how well I can handle alcohol. There happened to be several beers in the fridge that were free to whomever would want them, so it seemed a very opportune time to conduct this experiment.
Planned Procedure
I planned to drink (twelve-ounce) beers one at a time while playing a video game, testing to see how many proto-whelps I could kill in two minutes to see how many beers I could consume before it had a noticeable effect on gameplay.
Hypothesis
I hypothesized that I would be able to handle alcohol well and that it would take about five or six beers before I began to get drunk. This is based on the observation that most medicines, including percocet and laughing gas, have little to no noticeable effect on me.
Experiment
The first beer I consumed was an Alaskan Amber. Because beer smells like urine, I had always assumed it would taste the same. This assumption was faulty. In reality, beer tastes like vomit. It took nearly an hour to finish it. No noticeable affect on gameplay or mental state. Hypothesis holding true so far.
The second beer was a St. Pauli Girl, which is actually a lager, but since it has more or less the same alcohol content, I judged the difference to be irrelevant for the purposes of this experiment. It tasted slightly less disgusting than the Alaskan Amber, though I can't confidently determine at this point whether that was because the taste was actually better or whether it simply didn't seem as bad because I had already had some alcohol. Same number of whelps killed. After consumption, I noticed that when I turned my head, the room would appear to turn disproportionately to the distance my head turned. Out of curiosity, I pinched my leg as hard as I could without drawing blood. It didn't hurt as much as it should have. Fascinating. Hypothesis may be faulty.
The third beer was another St. Pauli Girl. This one went down quicker than the previous two because I was starting to get used to the vile taste. Typing was affected--more typos and fewer attempts to correct them. Fewer whelps killed due to the fact that when I turned my head, my body kept turning, and I fell out of my chair. Hypothesis definitely false.
Halfway through the fourth beer (another St. Pauli Girl), I decided enough was enough and climbed into bed, where I watched the room spin around me until I passed out. It was interesting to keep my eyes fixed on a certain spot, such as the door, and watch it swim around in my field of vision.
No noticeable hangover after waking, although the smell of the beer when I washed out the bottles for later use made me want to vomit.
No photographic evidence of the experiment was attained.
Analysis and Conclusion
It was interesting to note that although I was falling out of my chair and struggling to walk in a straight line, I still felt in control of my mental faculties, if not physical. Nevertheless, it can be concluded that I don't handle alcohol well.
Also, beer tastes even worse than it smells. I don't think this experiment bears repeating unless a beverage with a better taste is discovered.
...Yuck.
7 comments:
...
*facepalm*
>_>
Assuming your post can be taken at face value (a pretty good stretch on my part, by the way):
Excellent conclusion about the experiment not being worth repeating. ...especially without some major safety precautions in place.
Remember, you are not like a lot of other people. You have the misfortune to have inherited the "alcoholism gene" ... from BOTH sides of the family.
Your mother's side has numerous deaths and dysfunctions directly tied to it, and your father's side has too. And we would definitely have a lot more had we not been so diligent in making sure our progeny were informed of our genetic condition (and hence avoided dabbling in such dangerous and risky experimentation).
When you know you're susceptible, why take the risk? Seriously, because of your genetic makeup, you're playing with fire here that is far, far, FAR more dangerous than the fire you've been playing with.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not against social drinking and hold nothing against those who can do it responsibly. It's just that WE can't. And we know we can't. Some people, our family definitely among them, have a genetic 'defect' if you want to call it that, which makes us particularly susceptible to alcoholism. Alcoholism is a bonafide and documented malady which destroys lives just as much as MS, ALS, or other genetic diseases.
Some people can eat peanuts with impunity. Others die from it. Your family can eat peanuts, but we can't do alcohol. Be very careful to avoid danger. Your daddy loves you.
Oh, and as the reviewers of academic journal articles might say:
Well written report, and good application of the scientific method. Facilities and application of treatment appears adequate for the purpose of the experiment. Qualititave analysis is somewhat shaky, because of the subjective observational measurements relied upon, and the use of the single-sample method normally requires independent verification by a second observer or researcher, especially during conduct of the experiment. This reviewer agrees with the author that replication is not warranted, given the overwhelming evidence already available from numerous sources. In fact, even a precursory literature review might have rendered the entire experimental question entirely moot, given widespread acceptance of other researchers' work in this area. While quantitative analysis would have bolstered your conclusion, it is doubtful your results would have differed materially from those of other researchers (see Fordham (1715), Fordham et al (1736), Fordham (1784), Fordham and Fordham (1821), Bliss (1999), etc.) Additional observations: The "a priori" criteria for main-effect detection were not adequately specified, and unitary measurement standards appear to be completely lacking. However in light of this being exploratory in nature, such an oversight is not critical. The author is to be commended for courage in undertaking such a risky experiment, but criticized for the lack of safety precautions. Regarding external validaty, given the genetic characteristic of the individual subject, extrapolation of results to a larger sample or even population at large is quite dubious. Finally, this reviewer recommends rejection of the paper on the following basis: there is major question as to whether the researcher's Institutional Review Board would have approved the use of human subjects in this manner.
I would say that judging from dad's comment about alcoholism running on both sides of the family I would conclude that this experiment is like playing with fire.
But obviously that doesn't phase you.
I think your experiment was faulty because of the different brands. Try it again. only this time make sure they're all the most horrible tasting brand. :)
Better yet, take someone else's word for it that beer tastes horrible and always has. :)
Also, alcohol can ruin your life so treat it with a whole shipload of respect. If you're vulnerable to it, just stay away from it. If not, take the necessary precautions BEFORE consuming a single drop.
Just $.02 from someone who has occasionally had a drink, but hasn't for several years because he's a social drinker. I can count on one hand the number of times, I've consumed alcohol to such levels that the room moved in the slightest.
Take care, and hopefully, this will give you the experience necessary to form your own informed decisions.
:)
If you have a family history of alcoholism, you don't want to flirt with disaster. Your body is telling you something with the initial taste. Listen to it. Alcoholism can get hold of you before you know it. Take it from someone who watched it devastate someone near and dear to her. It isn't worth it. Trust me. Kpak
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