Zac, Rye, Tyler, and BYU... hmmm...

I walked in on a naked man and raped Zac at work today.

Not really. I think the guy was just shirtless, but he was hiding behind the door anyway. And later in the day, Zac picked up some moss and put it in my bag (the one we carry around coffee, cups, and sugar in), so I took out the moss and tried to put it down the back of Zac's shirt. We ended up wrestling on the bed, and Zac started yelling "Rape! Rape! Help, Steven, she's raping me!" Later on, I managed to get the moss down the back of his shirt, so when we went into the next room, he actually took off his shirt and shook it out. Holy crap, he's hot! Shame he's got a girlfriend. (I'm mostly just kidding.)

Of course, when we told Beth that I had raped Zac, she wanted to know who was on top. (That was me, because I'm such a great wrestler. I'm actually an Australian ninja. They're better than the normal kind of ninja because a good ninja is never detected. Have you ever heard of an Australian ninja? Probably not, because we're never seen. We're that good.

Man, if my parents knew half the things we get up to at work, I think they would disown me. Aside from the pickles, the manpillows, and the kitchen tables (don't ask. On all three counts. Seriously), we're constantly threatening to kill each other, stripping in front of groups of people, and calling each other Jews, rapists, homosexuals, and pedophiles. That's not counting the dirty jokes we make and the amount of time we spend beating each other up and/or hitting on each other. Loads of fun! :D

Okay, okay, so except for Zac taking off his shirt today, "stripping" refers to taking the dirty sheets and towels out of the room to speed up the group that comes behind to clean it, but it's not as funny if you know that.

I was watching Appleseed in Rye and Tom's room yesterday, and when it ended, Rye, who was still in his pajama bottoms, said, "Okay, Tom and I are going to go to the grill and get some food before we watch the sequel, which necessitates you standing outside in the hall for a few minutes...."

Tom interrupted him and said, "What, she can't wait in here? It's not like she's gonna steal anything."

Rye said, "Well, I was planning on taking off my pants--" at which point, I perked up and said "Ooh baby!" But I was joking. Really, I was totally joking! Ew ew ew, pantsless boss!

.....So anyway. I took my first two biology exams yesterday. Before I took the exams, I went over every single lesson at least four times. I practically had the first five chapters memorized, word for word. Went in to take the test and said "What the crap is this?" There were just enough questions from the reading that I can't say "Hey, this isn't the right text," but almost a quarter of the questions were un"question"ably not covered in the readings. Gay!

Did I mention just how irritating BYU Independent Study is, by the way? They said "Sorry, you're a college student, so you can't take your exams at the local high school or even proctored somewhere nearby, you have to take them at a certified testing center. Here's a list of the ones near you." The nearest one was in Anchorage. The website said it was fifty miles away. Fifty! Try a hundred and thirty! So I called them up and said "Hey, can you make some kind of exception for me?" and they said "Nope, sorry, no can do, because it's a college course." Well, that's gay. So I tried again a while later, hoping to talk to someone else. "Can you make some kind of exception? It says fifty, but I've clocked it on the car, it's a hundred and thirty, gas is almost five dollars a gallon, the roads are icy (they were, at the time), and I can't very well schedule days off to take the test because I'm on call at work for whenever they need me, which is nearly every day." "Nope, sorry, it's a college course. No exceptions." So I decided I'd at least put off taking the tests until summer, when I had scheduled days off, and when the roads wouldn't be icy. Then I reviewed all my lessons and called the testing center to ask if they would proctor the exam.

"Why yes," said the lady, "We do that all the time. Just give us your number and we'll call you when the test comes in and schedule a time to take it."

"Cool," said I. "Is there a fee?"

I was anticipating a fee, because the website had suggested there might be one. You know, five, ten, or maybe fifteen dollars. I can handle that. "Yes, there is a fee. Sixty dollars even."

SIXTY DOLLARS??? That's on TOP of the fifty dollars for gas to drive up to Anchorage and back! And I had to do that SIX TIMES!!! That's over six hundred dollars just to take a couple of stupid tests for courses I probably won't even get credit for!

What would you do in a situation like that? I did what any twenty-year-old girl would do: I called up my mommy and cried! My mommy, of course, took pity on me, and e-mailed the school. The next day, I got an e-mail saying "Oh yeah, your mommy says this is your situation. Of course we can make an exception, since the testing center is so far away. You can just take it at your local library. We put a note in your file about the exception. Let us know when you need the tests."

So I e-mailed them back and said "Thank you thank you thank you thank you! But when I went on your website to order the test, the library didn't show up as an option for where to order it. Do I have to e-mail you specially for every test, or do I call you up or what?"

I got an e-mail that was some pre-written response saying "To order a test, just go to this website and type in your course code blah blah blah, to order a test to be shipped overnight, call this number, blah blah blah. Thank you for your interest in BYU Independent Study blah blah I was written by a freaking machine with an oversized formality chip."

So I responded saying "Uh... thanks... but that doesn't answer my question because the library still isn't on the list of places to order the test to."

Response: "Oh yeah, because we made an exception, you can't order your tests off the website, you have to e-mail us for each test."

My reply: "Okay... in that case, I'd like to order my first biology midterm, course code is this number, thanks a lot."

Response: "We ordered both your first two midterms for you, since they have to be taken at the same time. In the future, it would be easier if you simply went to our website to order your tests."

So now apparently I have to e-mail them for each exam so that I can be told I'm supposed to order from the website instead even though I was also told I can't use the website. Bastards.

Oh well. Life is funny.

So, another funny story! At lunch today, someone actually came to visit me! It was Tyler, a guy who works in grounds who, I'm pretty sure, has at least a mild crush on me. He's a nice guy, and fairly cute, but he's a bit too religious for me to consider a serious relationship with. Of course, I have a bad habit of flirting with pretty much everyone. I enjoy flirting, but sometimes, I guess I lead people on and then they end up getting their feelings hurt when I have to tell them I was just playing and thought they were too. Kind of makes me feel like a jerk.

Anyway, so Tyler showed up to ask me to come to church with him on Wednesday nights. I guess it's a bit like an Institute class for non-denominational Christians. Of course, I jokingly accused him of trying to convert me to his religion so he could marry me, which he vehemently denied, but I agreed to go anyway. I think it'll prove entertaining, if nothing else. Maybe I could ask the teacher what the difference is between all the Protestant religions. I always wondered, but no one seems to actually know. Besides, it's not like I have much else to do. (That's not entirely true. Wednesday is Zul'Aman day, but we haven't actually gone since Arc went to Singapore.)

Tyler also called me "beautiful." That was weird. I get called "cute" often enough to believe it. I sometimes get called "pretty." I even occasionally get teasingly called "hot." But nobody calls me "beautiful." Hillary's beautiful. Nikki's beautiful. Melinda's beautiful. I'm cute. Big difference. But I appreciate the compliment anyway.

Then he asked why I always wear a hat and I told him it was because I'm bald, and the hat helps cover the edges of my wig. He actually believed me, too, which made me laugh so hard I about died. "Wait... really? Wow, it looks so real!"

It's amazing, the range of subjects I covered in this one blog post. This post has been brought to you by the word meandering.