Trolls and Ninjas

I had an interview with the bishop yesterday for my BYU application. The bishop's a really nice and helpful guy. And I liked the drive out there. The weather's been beautiful lately, so I could roll down my windows and get some fresh air. Plus, I love driving by myself, because I can caterwaul along with the radio and nobody's around to get mad at me for "ruining the song." Come on, I'm not that bad a singer.

Turns out I don't have to go to Soldotna to interview with the stake president after all. I guess it's nice, because it'll save me gas, which is over four bucks a gallon now. It also means I won't be getting lost in a town a hundred miles away from here. But like I said, I enjoy driving, so I was sort of looking forward to the trip. I was also, admittedly, looking forward to getting out of town for a little while.

Oh well. I still have tests I have to take that I can look forward to, I guess.

So I was at work today when suddenly, from out of the treetops, there jumped two trolls. I knew they were trolls because they looked exactly the way a troll should. And they smelled exactly the way a troll should. And they tasted... well, okay, I didn't lick them to find out, to be honest. That's gross. What's the matter with you?

Trolls as a species can be compared to frogs. They're blue, just like most frogs aren't. They walk on two legs, just like frogs don't. They have big curly tusks, just like frogs don't. They slouch and do African martial arts, which very few frogs do. And they have Jamaican accents, which frogs don't. Except Chinese frogs. All in all, trolls are very unlike frogs.

Oh yes, and trolls smell like licorice pineapple.

Anyway, these two trolls jumped out of the trees, stole our bathroom bucket, and scampered off. What would a troll want with Simple Green, Windex, and a toilet brush? I ask you!

Anyway, I chased after the trolls, bounding over cars and under porches, climbing trees and jumping fences. Normally, I couldn't keep up with them, despite my ninja-y status, because trolls are remarkably fast, and they jump like monkeys, which means they can jump farther than squirrels, and I'm half-squirrel. On my mom's side. But the trolls were slowed down by the purloined bathroom bucket.

After a while of chasing them, I eventually managed to outsmart them using several gallons of maple syrup and thirty pounds of Play-Doh. By that time, I had chased them all the way to the waterfall on the other side of town, which was gushing even more water than usual because of the melting snow.

I tied them up with the bullrushes I happen to carry in my back pocket and interrogated them roughly. Turns out their names were Kahva and Vorzun, and they were escaped refugees from Azeroth. Kahva's an alchemist, and apparently she (I guess it was a she) thought the Simple Green was frog's blood. They hadn't been able to find any frogs in town--go figure--and rabbit blood just isn't the same. So I slapped them silly a few times (that's the way trolls show affection--I was making friends with them) and let them go.

Then when I got back, I got in trouble for taking an unauthorized lunch break and stealing the bathroom bucket. It sucks to be me.

Anyway, turns out Kahva was making a potion that's supposed to make it so if you chop off your finger or your foot or your ear or something, it'll grow back. So I'm off to go help them look for frogs (like we'll find any in Alaska) so I can add to my ninja-y powers. Because you have to admit, limb regeneration would be an amazing ninja power!