Darwin's a liar!

Darwin can't have been right. His survival of the fittest theory can't be true. Know why? Because humans are human because we're intelligent, and if Darwin's theory were true, I know some people who should have been dead some fifty or sixty years ago.

There's a lady at work (we'll call her "Gwen") who, although she constantly acts superior to everyone else and struts around like she has more authority than God, has an IQ that's lower than her pants size. That's really saying something, since she's scrawny and wears clothing so disturbingly tight I expect it to burst at the seams every time she moves.

No, she couldn't name the two countries that border the United States. Furthermore, she was telling us a story about the time when her cruise control got stuck and how she was going 114 mph before the cops finally came and got her car slowed down. No, she hadn't bothered trying to turn off cruise control or tap the brakes or even put the car in neutral and turn off the ignition. Another time, a lamp wasn't on, so she changed the bulb and then reported a problem with the electricity because the lamp still wasn't coming on. Want to know the problem? ...The lightswitch was off.

Fortunately, ever since the pillow incident, Rye tries to keep me and "Gwen" in separate groups. (I tossed a pillow underhanded to Steven one day, and this lady stepped in the way. We all laughed about how I hit Gwen with the pillow and forgot about it. Five days later, I learned that she had tried to go to Scott and get me fired for beating her nearly senseless with a pillow, giving her a black eye and a three-day headache, and laughing at her as she lay semi-conscious on the floor.)

Today, as we were clocking out, Zac made fun of me, saying I was a Jew because I was a Mormon.

"Yeah, that's it, Zac. I'm a Jewish Mormon."

We were all laughing about that when Gwen proudly announced, "Ya know, they do exist! You're looking at one right now!"

We all just stared at her blankly and she nodded proudly and pointed to herself with both thumbs. "I'm a Jewish Mormon."

I shook my head. "You can't be a Jewish Mormon. They're conflicting religions."

"It's true."

"No, Gwen, I promise you it's not."

"My grandmother was a Jew, and--"

"It's a religion, not a race! Just because your mom or grandmother was Jewish doesn't mean you are!" I didn't add "And a thousand bucks says you're not Mormon." It didn't seem kosher. Heh.

She just kept nodding. "Yep, my grandmother was a Jew and I was baptized Mormon Catholic."

"...Mormon Catholic."

"Yep."

"...You mean Roman Catholic?"

"Yep. So I'm a Jewish Mormon."

Rye made us stop talking about it at that point. I waited till Gwen left the room to start smacking myself in the forehead.

What. An. Idiot.