First impression

I spent the last few days deep-cleaning my room. I made three trips to the dumpster and have three more trips to go. I also have a pile of stuff I'll probably donate to the second-hand shop because I don't want it and don't know anyone who would, but it's too nice to throw out. After that, all that's left to do is vacuum. And maybe scrub the fridge. And possibly rearrange furniture. And...

Rye invited me over after work yesterday for a beer can chicken. It tasted spectacular, but I had more trouble eating it than Rye had making it. I couldn't get the leg off the chicken, choked on a wishbone, dropped food in my lap, and tried to burp with my mouth closed and nearly burned my nose off. Fail!!!

Oh well.

Today I failed too. I met a new employee named Donata. The first impressions I give people are full of fail. The conversation went about like this....

Me: Hi! I'm Lint Monkey!
Donata: Hello. I am Donata.
Me: Denada?
Donata: Donata.
Me: Ah, Donata. Nice to meet you!
Donata: Nice to meet you too.
Me: So you work here? Which section?
Donata: I'm a deckhand.
Me: A ditland?
Donata: Yes, a deckhand.
Me: *pause* Oh yeah, deckhand! Oh, well that's cool.
Donata: Where do you work?
Me: I'm a housekeeper.
Donata: Oh.
Me: That means I give people coffee. And fluff pillows.
Donata: Yes.
*awkward pause*
Donata: Well, it can be a tough job.
Me: Nah, it's actually pretty easy. (thought: Crap, I just contradicted her... how rude!) Uh, except when it's hard. In which case... it's not easy....
Donata: *pause* Yes.
Me: ...I'm going to go put laundry through now. *facepalm*

I talk English real good! Honest! Oy vey. Well, at least it's better than the first impression I gave Zac last year. Zac's very first day working here was when I was having problems with CompUSA. I told Rye I would be in to work a few minutes late because I had to make yet another phone call to try and get it worked out. Like all my other phone calls, it wasted about twenty minutes and consisted of people saying "It's not our fault; call so-and-so and yell at them." So Rye had Zac in the laundry room and was explaining things and I burst through the door and yelled, "Damn them all!!" There was a pause, and then Rye said, "Zac, this is Lint Monkey. Lint Monkey, meet Zac, the new guy."

This, dear readers, is why you should always be careful using bad words, even when you're mad.