Stupid

My watch is screwing up. Yesterday it randomly changed its own time so it was an hour off. The way you set it is such that it would be really hard to do that accidentally. Grrr annoying. But today, it set itself so the date was off by a day too. Weird. I wonder if it's the battery. I kind of thought the battery dying would either slow it down or make the numbers fade. I also kind of thought the battery would last more than a year. I wonder if it's one of those watches where you have to ship it back to the manufacturer to get the stupid battery changed. That would tick me off, I think.

I have such bad luck with watches. I miss my old blue one I got when I was about twelve. That was the best watch ever. Stupid Casio, discontinuing the model. Sigh....

The missionaries came over today. We had the second missionary discussion. Well, I think it was supposed to be the second discussion. Actually, it seemed more like they were just confronting me about why I don't believe. I hate religious discussions because no matter what my stance is, I always always always end up tying my tongue up in knots, getting my words jumbled up, not making sense of things to the point where I sound stupid even to myself. Heck, even when I say prayers, whether I'm praying at a church event, blessing a meal, or saying personal prayers, I get my words jumbled up and don't make any sense.

So the missionaries asked why I didn't believe and I started talking, went off on a tangent, and made it sound like the tangent was my main reason. Dang, that would be a lame reason for not believing. So I tried to start again, but I stopped to try and figure out what it was I was trying to say and then forgot what I was talking about. And the missionaries were looking at each other with this infuriating "knowing" look of "Oh yeah, she believes, she just got offended and that's why she left." I don't get offended that easily. Annoyed, possibly, but not offended.

We went on, and I think I made a few semi-good points, but the missionaries expertly steered the conversation away from them and helped me tie myself up in knots. I'd call them names, but I guess I'm more annoyed with myself than them. There's something to learn from this, but I don't know what. I guess that you can't try and debate something if you don't know where you stand. I don't know that I don't believe. I don't know that I do either. So I can't very well argue either stance. And no, I don't want to actively search and ponder and pray for answers. Because I don't care. Religion is one of the most boring, yet most contentious topics in the world. If it were that freaking important for me to know it, God would have answered my "Is the church true" question years ago.

Ugh, I hate this topic. Anyway, now the missionaries are convinced I'm an apostate fool that's just mad because someone teased me about not being married fast enough and when I meet with the bishop to get another freaking ecclesiastical endorsement, he'll say no because I was actively opposing the church or something. At least I didn't mock the guy who played Jesus in the video they wanted me to watch. That wouldn't have gone over too well. But honestly, the actor made Jesus come across as a total prick.

I'm going to hell. Oy. I quit. Anyway, I know, this post seems rebellious and lame. Of course it does. It's me talking about religion. Anything I say about religion is going to sound lame.

I'm going to bed now. Feel free to reprimand me for my lack of faith all you like. I'm sure you're all going to say getting my tongue tied up in knots is this famous "stupor of thought," which is an answer in and of itself, and that God's answering my prayers but I'm just passing them off as coincidences or something. And "What do you expect, angels?" and "God can't answer your prayers because you're not freaking holy enough."

What-the-heck-ever. Anyway, toodles. And no I'm not frustrated.