I hate it when I lose my temper and I don't even know why I'm losing it. Seriously, the logical side of me, which is buried underneath the whiny side of me, knows perfectly well that not only am I being stupid, but I'm making a total jerk out of myself. And then I finally get away from the person I'm being a jerk to and I feel like crap for being a jerk, but my pride makes it very difficult to go back and apologize, especially when I know it won't change anything.
Pride sucks. Life would be so much easier without it, but I can't completely get rid of it. Right now, it's sorely bruised over the fact that I'm not really good at anything. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, there are always people that are so much better than me that they just sit back and mock the way I do it. Or at least, it sure seems that way. If I ever had a title like Catherine the Great, I think it would be Cathryn the Adequate. Or Cathryn the Sufficient. Cathryn the Decent, Who Will Do in a Pinch I Suppose If There's Nobody Better Around. Cathryn Who Likes to Think She's Good Sometimes Isn't That So Cute.
I really wanted to get a lot of homework done today, but now I'm not in the mood, and when I'm not in the mood to do my homework, I usually just end up staring blankly at the page. I guess I'll go back to practicing my adequate juggling for a while.
6 comments:
Yeah, cuz skipping a jillion grades and juggling better than anyone I know and being able to play piano ridiculously well, especially sight reading and be able to play tons of different instruments and speaking languages really well and being able to make random friends from different states is just adequate. It's not like I'd want to be able to do any of that... noooo. ;)
It all just depends on who you compare yourself to. Or maybe you just put the standard too high for yourself. Or both. I dunno... That probably didn't help much, did it....
Maybe I should be called "Dianna the Unsensitive..."
I think you're amazing and are extremely talented in pretty much anything you have your heart in. The only shame is you never, ever see it that way. It is honestly shocking to me that you view yourself so poorly when I see so many positive things.
What they said, Dorkface! :)
Interesting, coming from someone who is the best at a lot of stuff. Oh, well, I've resigned myself to being adequate, good enough, and just fine in a lot of things. If you get a chance, learn something about an asymptote. Perfection is an asymptotic target, and thus isn't intended to be achieved. At least not in this life.
Oh, for some fun, take a look at a cute little video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4xvcwPKlqM
Why do you have to be the best? Seems like the target is a bit too high. The happiest I am is when I am one of the crowd and NOT the best. Sounds like you are your own worst enemy because everyone else loves you just the way you are.
But you do need to apologize so you can live with yourself.
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