I will update daily...

I will update daily... I will update daily... I will update daily...

Riiiiight.

Today was a fun day. More proof that the attitude with which you start the day is directly proportional to the quality of the day. Usually, anyway. But of course, there are days when you wake up thinking "Ah, what a wonderful day this is! Yep, nothing is going to ruin this day, no matter what!" and then you wreck your car on the way to work, walk there in the snow, someone drives past and splashes mud all over you, you get to work cold, muddy, and late, then get fired for being late, then you get home to find your dog has thrown up all over the house, you get a phone call saying your mom has died, you burn dinner, and as you're taking a shower at the end of the day, the fire alarm goes off. You rush out of the shower, stark naked, the house is in flames, and you're forced to abandon the house and watch everything you own burn as you're left with nothing but a towel. On a day like that, I think it wouldn't matter what your attitude was starting the day. But that's beside the point. Actually, I don't remember what the point was. We'll pretend it was ducks and move on.

Platypus. Platypus platypus platypus. What a great word. What a great animal. Did you know platypi are poisonous? Only the males, actually. I think that's great. If I had a ninja familiar, I think it would be either a squirrel or a platypus. Maybe a squirratypus. Or a lint monkey. Whichever. It would ride on my shoulder and threaten my enemies with the doom of a thousand burning mervyns. Then, when my enemies continue their hostility, my linty squirratypus monkey would throw flaming poisonous barbs at my enemy, inflicting mortal poisonous wounds that do 4d8+9 points of damage per turn! Mwahahahaha!

...Wow, now I want a linty squirratypus monkey so I can be a ninja. I wonder if ninjas are allowed to eat chocolate. I imagine so. I imagine that ninjas and their ninja familiars are fueled by chocolate. "Holy Dallas, Dangerous Ninjaman! We're out of chocolate-fuel!" "Never fear, Dangerous Ninjaman is here! I'll save the ninjas from this tragic chocolate shortage!" and then Dangerous Ninjaman does ninja flips to Hershey, Pennsylvania, breaks into the Hershey's chocolate factory, and steals an endless supply of Reese's cups. The end. Except then he's a bad guy because he stole things and stealing is bad, and the pirates hear about it, and it's followed by an epic battle between good and evil, and in the end, only me and my linty squirratypus monkey are left alive because we're that amazing. Plus, he's a linty squirratypus monkey, and he can't die. So with all the other ninjas dead, I can be a tragic hero, having survived the slaughter of my kin, and the pirates would all be dead too, because they're pirates. Yarr. So then I would have all the ninjas' remaining chocolate plus all the pirates' ships, so I could be a ninja with a linty squirratypus monkey AND a boat, which is good, since I can't swim very well. Speaking of swimming, did I ever tell you I was going to be a scuba diver? It's a shame that fell through, because that would have been fun, even though I can't swim. I bet I still could have gotten the license. This should be a new paragraph, but it's not.

Holy Dallas, Dangerous Ninjaman! I feel funny today. Not sick-funny, but funny funny, as whatshisname the author put it in Dogs Don't Tell Jokes. That was a good book. About a kid who wanted to be a stand-up comedian. Or a sit-down comedian, if his legs got tired. The kid's name was Goon. Actually, it was Gary Boone, but everyone called him Goon. And I can't remember the author's name. Same guy who wrote Holes. Bummer. Hey, if you leave a comment with the author's name, I'll buy you a pony. My mommy never bought me a pony. That's why I'm so messed-up today. And it all wouldn't have happened had Toyota made bigger trucks.

We cleaned the R&R soldiers' rooms today. I think "R&R" stands for "can't aim worth anything." I mean, seriously, in some of the rooms, they missed the toilet by a good two or three feet. And these men are defending our country with machine guns. Personally, I think if they can't aim their schlong, how can we expect them to aim a gun? I'm afraid.

Bananas. The symbol that Amazon puts on their boxes reminds me of bananas, for some reason. PS, thank you for the piano books, Mom. I'll call up Kamren's mom and dad and start up the piano lessons as soon as I find their number. Heehee. Did I write about that on here? Kamren's parents want me to teach her how to play the piano. And the bishop wants me to teach his daughter-in-law how to play too. Weird. Ima be a piano teacher! Holy Dallas!

Oh, and I'm putting together a new D&D campaign for this summer. I did so badly last year that I decided to cheat and use a premade campaign and customize it. The campaign looks infinitely better than what I was improvising last year. Plus, with luck, we'll have a few more people this summer, and with more luck, they'll have more than an hour at a time to play. D&D is something you really want at least two or three hours at a time for.

And that's all for now. With luck, my history course will get here today. I hope I hope I hope. Toodles!